17 nuggets of wisdom for newlyweds

My blog this week is based on an article by Taryn Hillin in the Huffington Post (Updated 26/02/2015), entitled “17 Things Married People Want Newlyweds To Know.”
To gain information married couples were asked to share their best piece of advice for newlyweds. In my blog the points are Taryn’s and the comments are mine.

Here are the 17 small nuggets of wisdom worth taking to heart:

1. “Love is an action verb. Love your spouse actively, every day.”
In a relationship and especially a marriage it is the expressing of love that holds everything together.

2. “Argue all you want, but it shouldn’t be you vs. your SO. It should be you (TOGETHER) vs. the problem.”
So many times couples go into a heated discussion with the aim of winning the discussion. It is not about who wins, but rather that of solving the problem.

3. “There is more than one right way to do something (e.g. load a dishwasher, fold the laundry, etc.)”

4. “Never stop dating your spouse.”
I personally feel this is very important. In my advice to couples I take it so far as to say they must ensure they have a date night once a month.

5. “When you are angry and having a fight, refrain from calling your spouse names of any kind.”
Remember; once you say something you can never take it back.

6. “Make sure that you make time for sex.”

7. “Choose your battles. Sometimes you just need to breathe and carry on. Communication. Communication. Communication.”

8. “Always have each other’s back in public. Never belittle your spouse. Have all the disagreements people normally do but let the world know you two are best friends.”
The state of your marriage will often be judged by how you talk to or about your spouse in front of others.

9. “Show appreciation! Always say thank you, even for the little things. Being married to someone doesn’t make you entitled to anything that they do for you.”

10. Arguing occurs when being right is more important than listening to your spouse.”
Always assume the other person has the best intentions. Let the small stuff go. Never stop being considerate or doing small gestures ‘just because’.”

12. “No matter how bad the fight is, how frustrated you are, look for something to be thankful for in your spouse. It will help calm you and give you a second to clear your head.”

13. “Kiss each other EVERYDAY.”

14. “Never stop listening.”
So many times we are with our spouse but we are not listening to what they are saying.

15. “No one argues well at midnight. So sometimes it is ok to go to bed angry. Consider it a timeout to regroup.”
Where at all possible do not leave things for the next day. We brood on them and they get worse.

16. “You must remember: You’re not in a battle. You’re not boxing. You are not opponents. You are working towards a common cause: A happy, healthy, productive life together.”

17. “You put her first, she puts you first. If you’re always more concerned about her needs than your own, and she’s more concerned about your needs than her own, you won’t have many problems.”