What is the biggest cause of divorce?
I suppose most of the people reading this, thought infidelity was the answer.
In fact, the biggest reason which is currently the cause of divorce is communication or the lack of it.
When I ask couples coming for a talk on marriage what are the main ingredients of marriage extremely few ever say communication.
When some newlyweds were asked in a questionnaire what subjects they thought would be most useful in their marriage, many answered communication. Obviously, there is a huge problem in regard to communication in marriage.
While it is not an excuse, the modern example of marriage is of a husband and wife spending most of their life doing work so as to keep their jobs, and having very little time for communication with each other or with their children.
This is not a situation which is conducive to a strong and happy marriage. Yes, I did say happy marriage, because such marriages exist even today. Such marriages are based to a large part on communication.
Communication in marriage is not just spending time together simply talking. It is a time when the couple shares thoughts and feelings. It is a time when each partner puts in an effort to understand what is going on in the other’s life. It is not simply when proper listening is important, but rather a time to become part of the other person’s life.
It is in the week a time when each partner shares their experiences of the past day. What happened at work and possibly news from one of their friends that they met during the day. Sometimes it might be necessary for the one partner to be comforted if something bad has happened.
These 20-30 minute times are important otherwise the couple actually live separate lives without knowing anything about their partner’s life. They become like two ships passing in the night while they live their lives together independently in one house.
Communication is more than this. It should not just be when a specific time is set aside but all the time the couple are talking together.
In the next blog we will be looking at an excerpt about communication which gives a few guidelines.