Please Note I Will Not Be Performing Marriages Until End Of July 2021.

Should bees fly

Bees have very big bodies in comparison to the size of their wings as well as carry heavy loads of pollen. Scientifically it has been thought on paper that bees should not be able to fly.
Recently their flight has been much more understood. However, it can still be said that by some feat of nature and with wings that beat extremely fast (230 beats a second) they are able to fly.

This blog is not about bees but rather the second part of a blog on communication in marriage.

In an article that I found entitled: Keys to Effective Communication in Marriage by First things First 2018: I found some wonderful tips for communication in your relationship.

Be intentional about spending time together talking.
They state that an average couple only spends 20 minutes a week talking to each other. I always tell my couples that where it is possible to find the time to spend 20-30 minutes a day catching up.

Use more “I” statements and less “You” statements.
The article says it decreases the chances of your spouse feeling they need to defend themselves. I feel we should spend more time with the kids.

Be specific. When issues arise, be specific.
I tell my couples that words like “you are always doing it” do not clarify the problem.

Avoid mind reading.
Don’t tell your spouse what you think they are thinking.

Express Negative feelings constructively.
When you feel disappointment, bitterness or disapproval, communicate these feelings in a way that change can occur. The article gives an example. “I am disappointed that you are working late again tonight”; is different too “You clearly do not care one whit about me or the kids. If you did you would not work late every night.”

Listen without being defensive.
If you are going to succeed in your marriage then you will need to be able to hear your spouse’s complaints without getting all defensive.

Freely express positive feelings.
In life, most people express negative feelings more than positive ones. There is a need to show your spouse appreciation, affection, love, respect, and warmth. These John Gottman and authority on marriage says is like putting deposits in your love account.
Your compliments to your spouse must always exceed your complaints.

Always be open to receive a compliment from your spouse who gives it.